I sometimes hear from people who aren’ t certain what their spouse means by challenging that they “ take responsibility with regard to cheating. ” Because often , the particular cheating spouse feels that they have performed just that, but the faithful spouse still doesn’ t seem to be satisfied or even happy with them. So they are often looking for a literal interpretation of this phrase to enable them to change their behaviors in order to a minimum of make some headway with their spouse.
I heard from a spouse who said: “ I made the huge mistake of cheating on my wife with a friend’ s sister. It was honestly just a fling. The lady was home to visit family and since she lives hundreds of miles away, neither of us thought that it was likely to be a lasting thing. Well, my good friend felt so betrayed that he actually told my wife. And my wife nearly divorced me over this. For years, I begged my wife to give myself another chance. After a couple of months, she finally agreed to start seeing me again on a regular basis with the plan of just seeing what happened between us. Inside my own mind, things are going well. I feel the old spark again and we would often laugh and have a good time together. Last weekend, I questioned if I could move back home again and my wife said that she didn’ t think so because she ‘ doesn’ t feel like I’ m taking full responsibility with regard to cheating. ’ What does this actually mean? I said I was remorseful. I’ ve promised not to try it again. I’ ve been wooing the girl once again and she knows that I have remorse. What more am I supposed to do? ”
This is a very common problem. Often , the faithful spouse desires to see more than the cheating spouse is offering. And usually, the infidelity spouse feels as if they are looking to hit a moving target. They are generally more than willing to give their spouse exactly what he or she wants, if only they realized what that really was. So , within the following article, I’ ll tell you what “ taking responsibility with regard to cheating” really means from the perspective of the faithful spouse.
Your Spouse Doesn’ t Really want Any Easy Resolutions Or Any Easy Excuses: Here is something that you need to understand. It’ s very likely that your spouse is going through a great deal of discomfort. Even worse, your spouse didn’ t do anything wrong. They were probably going along with their daily routine thinking that their existence was normal when all of sudden, they find out that their marriage (and their spouse) isn’ t at all what they assumed.
Just for a second, imagine how you might feel if the situation was reversed. This is a betrayal and a pain which is very hard to describe. So it’ ersus natural and normal to want to protect yourself from ever having to feel this sort of pain again. So in order for you to even think about putting your trust into the person who has tricked you, first you want to know certainly that your spouse is truly sorry, remorseful, and introspective about what has happened.
You don’ t want to hear excuses because justifications mean that the next time the same set of conditions present themselves, your spouse might cheat again. You don’ t want to hear your spouse defend themselves with some kind of silly extenuating circumstances. Instead, you would like them to stand up, admit that they had been absolutely wrong, and proclaim this whole thing was completely their fault. Not only that, but they know that the responsibility to get you out of this mess lies with them.
They Want For You To Understand What Brought You Here. And so they Want You To Have A Plan To Cure: Your faithful spouse wants to know that you understand why you scammed. And the reason for this is that they wish to know that because you understand where you proceeded to go wrong, you have the ability to fix the problem so that this won’ t happen again. They want you to say something like: “ I now realize that I have self esteem issues and I’ m likely to see someone to deal with this. I’ m going to remove this problem so that neither of us has to worry about this cropping up in our marriage again. I’ d be more than happy to set up someone for you to talk to if you are comfortable with that. ”
Your spouse doesn’ t want to take the initiative. They want for you to take the initiative because you are the one who set this whole thing in motion.
They will Expect For You To Understand Their Accusations And Doubts And To Be Ready To Address Those: I discover that the issue of accountability is one that appears to crop up over and over again. Often , the faithful spouse wants to the cheating spouse to check in, or to be transparent, and to be very open regarding where they are and who they are along with. Sometimes, the cheating spouse feels that this is an invasion of personal privacy and they will resist this.
But I would argue that being transparent and accountable is part of acquiring responsibility for your actions. Admittedly, it’ s probably not healthy to spend your entire life under the microscope in this way. But before you restore the trust, this is just something that you will often need to do in order to show your spouse that you are willing to do what it takes to restore your marriage.